If it Kills Me
by TheThreeAmigas
Summary: Gilbert and Francis had been constantly wheedling at him to ask Lovino out and somehow, it worked. Lovino had dumped his boyfriend a few weeks ago, apparently happier than ever to be rid of him. Antonio couldn't really argue the fact that now was the perfect time to act. Warning extremely cheesy.


I do not own the song "If it Kills Me" by Jason Mraz

I also don't own Hetalia, not one bit of it; that belongs to Hidekaz, Himaruya.

Antonio was nervous. Like, palms sweating, knees shaking, first-year-drama-student nervous, which was really just embarrassing for him. As a freshman he shook off stage frights with gusto, but now, three years later and close to graduating, he was a mess.

Since he told them about his crush, Gilbert and Francis had been constantly wheedling at him to ask Lovino out and somehow, it worked. Lovino had dumped his boyfriend a few weeks ago, apparently happier than ever to be rid of him. Antonio couldn't really argue the fact that now was the perfect time to act. That, and the fact that his two ridiculously eager friends already had a perfect plan of attack.

Antonio was practically a star at his school. As one of their best male vocalists and performers, he already had offers from multiple prestigious colleges and even a couple music agencies. Clearly, he had to do something special. As Francis put it, this was the guy he'd had a crush on for basically his entire life, and he really couldn't waste the opportunity to make it memorable.

Everything had been planned out rather well. The band teacher had given them permission to use the drum cart for Gilbert to put his set on, Francis got the ok to use the pm system and keyboard, Lili and one of Francis' friends played violin, and Antonio brought his guitar. The principal had chuckled when he asked permission to use the cafeteria; confessions via cafeteria performances were pretty common, and as long as they didn't do anything inappropriate it was a go. All the parts had been put into place, and all that was left was for Antonio to start.

"Antonio, Jesus Christ, calm down." Francis put his hands on his shoulders, blue eyes reassuring. "Everything will be fine."

Antonio could only nod, concentrating on the small group that had gathered by the stage in anticipation of a performance. After a moment of panic, he found Lovino among them. He was, as per usual, equal parts irritable and effortlessly attractive. Antonio swallowed hard and jerked his gaze away.

"I'm calm. I'm fine. I'm just about confess my undying love to my best friend in the entire world, who in all likelihood is _not into me_." Francis rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Dear God, you're worse than a telenovela. He likes you, you melodramatic dork." He gave Antonio a friendly push onto the stage. "Go on and get him."

The crowd, somehow already twice its previous size, immediately began to cheer. _Oh, mierde. _Ignoring the heat rushing up his face, he slapped on what he hoped was a convincing grin and sauntered up the stage.

Gilbert, already settled on his drum set, slammed his foot on the bass drum pedal a couple times. The cafeteria went uncharacteristically silent.

"Listen up, kiddos. Antonio here would like to sing a song. A love song, to be specific, to a special person in this room."

Antonio searched the crowd for Lovino again, spotting him not too far from the stage. A few girls giggled and whispered excitedly to each other near him, causing him to scoff and roll his eyes. Gilbert waited for the crowd to shush before continuing.

"So, if you would be so kind as to not surround him if he gets off the stage it would be much appreciated. Hit it, Francis."

_No turning back now._

"_Hello, this is the billing office for Tri City Medical center calling for Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. If you are Antonio, press one, if Antonio is unavailable, press two."_ There was a dial tone and Francis began to play. Taking one last glance at Lovino, he heard his cue.

"_Hello. Tell me you know_

_Yeah, you figured me out_

_Something gave it away _

_And it would be such a beautiful moment _

_To see the look on your face _

_To know that I know that you know now"_

Antonio forced his gaze away from Lovino and let the crowd blend into a blur of faces, feeling his nerves melt away in the music.

"_And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking_

_You. Know. Nothing._

_Cause you and I _

_Why, we go carrying on for hours on end_

_We get along much better than you and your (ex) boyfriend"_

This elicited a small gasp from the audience and Antonio managed a cheeky grin. Lovino appeared uninterested, but Antonio could see him straighten up in the corner of his eye.

"_Well, all I really wanna do is love you._

_A kind much closer than friends use_

_But I still couldn't say it after all we've been through_

_and all I really want from you is to feel me_

_As the feeling inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills me."_

During the instrument break, Antonio hopped off the stage. The audience parted for him as he began to idly wander through the tables, keeping an eye on Lovino.

"_Well how long, can I go on like this_

_Wishing to kiss you_

_Before I rightly explode?_

_This double life I lead isn't healthy for me_

_In fact it makes me nervous_

_If I get caught I could be risking it all_

_Baby, there's a lot that I miss_

_In case I'm wrong." _

Antonio took a deep breath before walking towards Lovino, who now regarded him with an unreadable expression. Smiling shyly, he sang the chorus.

"_Well, all I really wanna do it love you._

_a kind much closer than friends use_

_But I still couldn't say it after all we've been through_

_and all I really want from you is to feel me_

_As the feelings inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills it kills me."_

Lovino expression gradually morphed from almost unreadable to borderline shocked when Antonio started towards him. Antonio offered him a shaky hand and closed his eyes before moving on to the next line.

"_If I could be so bold _

_I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand"_

A warm hand fluttered softly on his own, and a tingling rush of excitement forced his eyes open. There was an odd sort of intensity in Lovino's expression, somewhere between apprehension and incredulity.

"Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man

But I never said a word I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again."

Lovino's face suddenly blushed bright red, as though knocked from his stupor. Antonio bubbled up with laughter, and in a moment of boldness tugged Lovino from his spot.

"_Well, all I really wanna do it love you._

_a kind much closer than friends use_

_But I still couldn't say it after all we've been through_

_and all I really want from you is to feel me_

_As the feelings inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills me_

_If it kills me_

_Oh, I think it might kill me"_

Somewhere along the verse they had started swaying, almost dancing to the music, and everything was perfect.

"_And all I really want to do is feel you_

_It's a feeling inside that keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me_

_It might kill me"_

The final note resonated in the air, and entire cafeteria abruptly erupted into whoops and cheers. Lovino immediately buried his shoulder in Antonio's neck to hide the deep blush on his face.

"You huge bastard. You just _had_ to ask me out in front of almost the whole student body, huh?" Antonio chuckled nervously, watching as the crowd slowly dissipated.

"I don't think I could've done it any other way. I would've broken down if it was a private performance." Antonio felt Lovino laugh softly against his shirt, little puffs of breath tickling his neck.

"Y'know, you are the biggest bastard I've ever met, and I still cannot believe you just did that." Antonio winced a bit and swallowed hard before responding.

"I know Lovi, but I'm not sorry about it." He tightened his grip just slightly on his waist. "I honestly thought you were about to reject me, and I wouldn't hold it against you. I- I love you a lot and I don't want you to pressure you or anything. I just want you to be happy and if, if you don't want to now I'll wait for you. As long as it takes." He stopped before his voice could crack, emotions suddenly twisting in his gut. _Oh, please, please, please-_

"I guess I could give you a chance, you big dope. Just don't go pulling bullshit like this again, capisce?" Lovino pulled away slightly to offer him a cheeky grin. Antonio's face blanked as he took a moment to process this. _Oh. __**Oh.**_

With a smile splitting his face he pulled him into a hug, then spun him around in delight.

"Oh, Lovino, I promise I'll be the best boyfriend you could hope for!" Lovino looked so embarrassed and amused and happy at this outburst, Antonio couldn't help but kiss his cheek.

A few passerby cheered, and Gilbert and Francis whistled from where they were taking down equipment.

"We told you, dude." Gilbert yelled at him with a happy grin. Francis only smiled and chuckled, looking pleased with the situation. Antonio waved back, and Lovino tugged Antonio's attention back to him.

"Yeah, yeah, you better, but… I will too, okay? And don't go getting all weird and crap on me. We're still friends, too." He looked away, almost shy.

"I know, Lovi. I love you."

Lovino let their eyes meet and smiled, softly kissing his cheek. "I love you too, dork."

Amiga 1: An update on "Another Reason to Kill": No, I have not forgotten about it. My amazing beta and I are trying to figure out Lili's angle, since the original rper for her disappeared and I'm not quite sure what her original viewpoint was. So it may be a while, but to make the story work we need to flesh out her character more. My Beta is betaing(?) this as I'm writing, ain't that just a hoot? Google Docs is amazing. In conclusion, "Another Reason to Kill" is definitely not forgotten and never will be. More fics to come!

Amiga 2: Haha, she told me I should write an end note too, but I'm not really sure what to say. Thanks for sticking with us though, and I hope you enjoyed it!


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